Book Award for The Excellence Habit

Last week I got fabulous news. The Excellence Habit was named the Winner in the motivational category of the 2016 Next Generation Indie Book Awards. The rush, the kick, the buzz … all kind of emotions, and all from the same emotional family. THANK YOU to all the fans, the readers - you are the best.

Do I call this a success? Is it a result of excellence? How do I translate it into continued Excellence for my next book? Questions, questions. While I search for answers - I decided I'm attending the awards ceremony next month in Chicago. It will be during Book Expo America, so it’s like the Superbowl for book lovers and publishers. I’ll tweet about it and share anything interesting I see and learn. In the meantime - a few thought-provoking sentences that have been brewing recently.

Towards understanding of religion: God does not negotiate; You can only make a deal with the devil.

Towards understanding of social security reform: Politicians can statistically prove that after age 65 people only exist as a form of revenge to the social security system. 

Towards understanding of statistics: When you measure 3 elephants and 6 mice, the average animal weighs 2,985 lbs.

Towards understanding of politics: If a politician offers no promises, people will feel cheated.

Towards understanding of hope: All potential arguments about the toilet seat stop, as soon as we realize that there is no recorded instance of an egg-cell chasing a sperm-cell. 

Towards understanding of aging: We dream of staying eternally young and healthy, but being eternally old and healthy might work just as well.  

Towards understanding of social media: It is not enough to be modest; you have to let everybody know about it too.

How Do Lobsters Grow?

One of the best 90-second videos you'll ever see!

The Excellent Underdog

Within two minutes of takeoff, US Airways Flight 1549 lost both its engines. At an altitude of 2,818 feet, the aircraft hit a flock of Canadian geese and started to lose airspeed while still climbing. Within 3 minutes Captain Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger turned the nose south, glided over the Hudson, and ditched the plane off Midtown Manhattan. All lives were saved. The "Miracle on the Hudson" happened in 2009 and it sparked much discussion about aviation excellence. 

When examining human excellence, psychologists focus on understanding exceptional achievement in domains such as science, art, or sports. Some focus on natural talent, others on intensive training and practice. Then there are those who examine excellence as a product of context. For those supporting the nurture argument, it is all about exceptional performance training, deliberate practice, and a precocious involvement and commitment to a specific domain.

The nurture fans believe that anyone can make it, and all they really need is hard and smart work. Regardless of context, personality traits, or upbringing, anyone can succeed with the right training. This is fully in line with our fascination with the underdog. The notion that we were all created equal has taken root in our public discourse and has powerful implications socially, politically, on a personal level, and in our educational system. Popular culture reinforces these ideas with potent stories. From Rocky and The Silence of the Lambs, to Avatar and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, we follow and care about the journey of an unlikely hero who overcomes huge obstacles. Mainstream media reinforces this idea, too. We are accustomed to reading all about Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, or Malala Yousafzai. They all achieved their status, fortune, and fame with tons of hard work and by overcoming unusually hard circumstances.

What is interesting about the nurture argument is that it is a relatively modern occurrence. Up until a few short decades ago, people were not expected to achieve much unless they were from the right caste, the right college, or born with the right title. In some countries you had to be a member of the Communist Party.

We are now mostly done with the caste systems. There are fewer social barriers than ever, and this has increased our expectations. Never before have expectations been so high about what humans can achieve in their lives. The president of the United States is African American, the CEO of Microsoft is Indian-born, and rapper Dr. Dre sold his headphones company to Apple for $3 billion. We are told from many sources that anyone can achieve anything. This spirit of equality is a beautiful idea. Everybody now wears jeans and a T-shirt, yet deep, real inequalities remain. We are made to feel that if we have a bright idea, a garage or office, and work very, very hard, we can all become like Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. In reality—it is more likely to be hit by a lightning or win the lottery. Yet, the notion persists.

The second and perhaps more interesting fact about these high expectations is that we now officially live in the age of meritocracy. Politicians on the left and right, educators and social influencers agree that it is a good idea, and we should make our society more meritocratic. In other words, if you’ve got talent, energy, and skill, nothing should hold you back. You will get to the top. It is a logical, beautiful idea. If you deserve “it,” you will get “it.”

There are a few problems with this idea. For one, if we truly believe in it, by implication the opposite must be true as well. Those who deserve to get to the bottom will get to the bottom and stay there. In other words, your position in life is merited and deserved. As a result, failure is much more harsh, personal, and devastating. It is almost presumed to be deliberate.

It is curious how language has evolved to reflect this change in attitude. If we met a poor person a hundred years ago, we would likely call them unfortunate. Back then, we would describe them as someone who did not have enough fortune, who was not lucky enough. Nowadays, we would not be surprised to hear someone at the bottom of society be called a loser. I think we can all agree that there is a big difference between unfortunate and a loser.

As a society we have evolved to believe less in external forces like God, or government, and more in ourselves. We are in the driver’s seat of our lives, and, therefore, we own both success and failure. On a personal level, this has made it more difficult to feel good about our current level of success. By accepting the idea that we could achieve anything, we have increased the pressure on ourselves to do so. Paradoxically, this makes it more difficult to reach our goals. But isn't reaching our goals what success is all about? Yes, it is. This is why I suggest we "change the channel". Instead of working for the external goals that we call success, why not focus on building an Excellence Habit? Then we can have personal fulfilment, while still an underdog. If we treat ourselves like we can perform a miracle, one day we might. Just ask Captain Sully! 

The Child Outside

Most of us start our journey as parents based on our own childhood. If we were active, we want our children to be active. If we were good in math, they need to be good too. If we weren’t allowed too much ice cream, we make sure they can have as much as they want. If our parents divorced, we focus on staying together with our spouse, just so that the child doesn’t have to go through the same plight. The list goes on. The pattern is the same. We base our child-raising behavior on our own childhood.

There is nothing inherently wrong with that. Only … the child we raise is not us. She only looks like us. She talks and walks like us. She even likes some of the same things we do. But she is a child in a different world. She has different parents, different friends. And while in so many ways she is like us, in so many she is different as well. She is her own person. She is not the child we carry within. She is the child outside. If we are to become better at raising our kids, this is where we need to start.

A few readers suggested I wrote on the topic of teaching The Excellence Habit to children as my next book project. After some initial research I believe, before teaching children anything, we need to do an inventory of ourselves as parents.  If we want the best for our children, it only makes sense to be prepared to give the best as parents and as people. Why? Because our children have the uncanny ability to see everything. Just as we could see our parents too. It took us some time to understand our parents, but we could see them. So our children will see us, copy us, and become us. No matter what we teach them.

A case in point: Big Vlad was my friend, name-mate, and the bass-player of our high-school rock band The Silhouettes. Once, as a curious side-note to a conversation about the Beatles, he quipped:

“I can’t wait to have a son, so I can mess him up just in my own peculiar way!”

“Yeah, right!” said I. “Your son will care to listen to you just as much as we listen to our fathers!” 

“No, no!” insisted Big Vlad, “I’m not going to talk to him. I’ll just make him a playlist and one day put it on for him to hear.”

It was an unusual fantasy. At that moment, I too realized that while just a teen, I had been thinking about how my kids’ life would be different, and better than my own. Big Vlad had a daughter and as far as I know, she never played in a band. Neither did my son.  

The point of the book will be to answer two critical questions that we all have: Why do we so often fail as parents, despite our best efforts and intentions? What habits can we build in order to raise healthy, successful, and well-adjusted children? 

So, dear reader, would you want a book like that? What else would you need to make it worth your while? Are there any awesome books on raising a child I should read before anything else? Please, send me a line, let me know what you think! Thank you. 

"Serious About Writing?" - A Conversation With Shawn Coyne

Listen to The Excellence Habit podcast. My guest is Shawn Coyne, a twenty-five-year book-publishing veteran. He's acquired, edited, published or represented works from James Bamford, John Brenkus, James Lee Burke, Barbara Bush, Dick Butkus, Harlan Coben, Nellie Connally, Michael Connelly, Robert Crais, Ben Crenshaw, Catherine Crier, Brett Favre, David Feherty, John Feinstein, Tyler Florence, Alan Lomax, David Mamet, Troon McAllister, Robert McKee, Matthew Modine, Bill Murray, Joe Namath, John J. Nance, Jack Olsen, Scott Patterson, Steven Pressfield, and many, many others. His longest collaboration has been with writer Steven Pressfield.  Shawn edited a number of Steve’s books including The War of Art, Gates of Fire, Turning Pro, Tides of War, and The Authentic Swing.  He is also Steve’s literary agent, manager, and his business partner in Black Irish Books (www.blackirishbooks.com).  If you haven’t read his books, you should!

For more information about The Story Grid and to read Shawn’s blog- visit Storygrid.com. 

Thank you for listening. Sign up for First Look Access.